That said, I look at relationships as the great philosopher and thinker Martin Buber did. That is, the relationship can be either I-It or I-Thou. Buber had pretty strict criteria for what constituted the deepest form of a Real relationship between people -- that is, an I-Thou relationship. You're most likely aware of his critique of psychotherapy, particularly as you'd read it in his extraodinary dialogues with Carl Rogers. The guts of the critique is this: you can't have an I-Thou relationship without mutuality.
By design, there's no mutuality in psychotherapy. Factor in the economic basis of the relationship -- a relationship that will end ipso facto when the client stops paying -- and what you've got left is a special kind of I-It relationship Yes, it's real. But it isn't Real.
It is absolutely not a relationship that involves, as Buber would put it, a dialogue involving the other's entire being. As for the notion of therapy clients somehow diffusing the nature of a conflict with their therapist by talking about it with their closest friends before seeing their therapist again most like a week later , this just proves my point about therapy being I-It instead of I-Thou.
In an actual I-Thou, there'd be no reason to wait. True I-Thou compatriots would go right back to their conflict that afternoon, or that evening. They wouldn't wait hours to go to it and at it again, with all the artificial blowback that can accumulate from the waiting. We're in agreement, though, that therapy clients should feel the freedom NOT to discuss their therapy with their friends, family, husbands, wives, etc.
Of course, there can be blowback from the choice not to discuss it, too. But isn't this what we want clients to do?
Your First Psychotherapy Session
When they have problems in their lives, to utilize their natural support systems to solve them? After all, the therapist by design is not going to be there forever, and the sooner the client finds a way to solve problems and resolve difficult emotions with their lives the sooner they can get out of therapy and on with their lives. It seems to me that the ultimate goal of therapy is for the client to finish it and be better able to cope with the world. Working through difficult emotions without the help of a therapist feels like being better able to cope with the world.
I agree with all you have to say about clients looking to their support system to help them resolve issues, and that therapy is a finite relationship that should facilitate utilization of these resources. I hope all clients look to their support system to give them a shoulder to cry on, to get parenting advice, for socializing and preventing isolation, to discuss what they're discovering in therapy and on and on.
I'd also like therapy to help clients learn to function at their best in relationships. In the quoted statement I'm referring to the specific incident of a conflict or misunderstanding between the client and therapist. I'd like to encourage clients to use therapy as a place to practice assertion and direct communication as opposed to avoidance, denial, passive aggression, triangulation and all the other methods we can use to safely resist saying what's really on our mind. It's an invitation for clients to use therapy as a laboratory to practice conflict resolution.
I agree that one goal in therapy is for the client to be better able to cope with the world. I believe direct communication is part of this goal, so I'm advocating for direct communication in therapy. I suppose this is a way to see the depth of a client's projections based on past experience, and a way to see the therapist's projections too, if the therapist has the inclination, professional stance, and courage to so share.
I can get how it's useful to hear the therapist's projections, because the client can learn something about his or her presentation of self in everyday life. Where I'm left wondering wondering is how this is helpful from the client's perspective, to share projections about the therapist. I get the theory of transference. I really do. I understand the notion that when we lack information about a person or situation, we ascribe meaning to that person and situation based on our previous experience.
How to Remove Clothing Wrinkles in Photoshop
Here's why. Those are relationships with people who as a rule self-revealed to them as a child, were not in a time-limited relationship, and with whom a true meeting of the minds evolved with the operational maturation of the subject child. As far back as nursery school, in fact. But I'd love to have this explained and my questions addressed. Somehow, I think you're the right blogger to do it!
Thank you for this wonderful blog entry; I hope it spreads around because the information you provide is incredibly important. As a client myself, I have one more item to add to your list if you don't mind. If you have developed romantic feelings for your therapist, please let your therapist know and discuss this with them. I know firsthand, how scary this is to do-- as someone who suffered from anxiety, especially social anxiety, it was terrifying to open up to a man that I had romantic feelings for him.
Not to mention the guilt I felt for developing them for someone who was married. I did it over email though, and when we met for session afterwards, my therapist couldn't have handled it better. After discussing my feelings, it relieved a huge weight off my shoulders, and brought down a wall that was keeping me from fully opening up to him.
A Beginner's Guide To Starting Therapy
I've heard that some therapists aren't equipped to handle transference issues, and I think it's so important for them to be because I think it's a lot more common than people think. Don't beat yourself up if you fall in love with your therapist. Your therapist should be an expert at focus and understanding. We all long to be the subject of focus, and to be understood.
- Ending the Psychotherapy Relationship!
- Pamphlet Architecture 31: New Haiti Villages;
- Everything I Wish I'd Known Before Starting Therapy - VICE.
- Group psychotherapy;
What could be more lovable than that? In fact, if you don't fall in love with someone who focuses on you and understands you fully, perhaps that's a pathological indicator itself. Well, maybe not. But worth exploring. Alas, different therapists approach a client telling them that they love them in different ways. Some of these ways are productive as in the previous post , others destructive and I am NOT talking about reciprocity and sexual relationships developing, either. I think this is the best thing I have read in a long time. If the therapy relation has turned destructive, the worse thing a client can do is "keep the energy in the room.
It stressses me out to see we are 30 minutes in and are just getting started, so that means i only have 20 minutes left, and i feel rushed.
Starting Your Business
I asked her to cover it up because it was stressing me out. Now, before i come into a session with her, she already has the clock covered up - makes me wanna tear up a bit ;-. If I could not see a clock - I would have and I have taken out my watch and set it on my knee so I could watch the time. I would not leave control of that up to a therapist. I know how much time I am buying from them. When time is up, I stand up, toss money at their coffee table, and walk out. These are some really helpful tips for anyone having regular therapy sessions.
I had never really thought about it, but it makes perfect sense that you should't focus on how much time you have left, and you should let the therapist worry about that. And I can definitely attest to how awkward it is to have to talk about insurance and payment after having a long, tearful conversation. Thanks for writing, I would definitely suggest reading this to anyone going through therapy. Also you mentioned 'enjoy' the sessions.
LOL I have never enjoyed therapy, it is a nightmare and extremely unpleasant. Unless of course you are wealthy and can afford private therapy, maybe that is a lot different to the NHS ones. They are cold, aloof and like robots. They are condescending and stubborn. And usually male though often they employ female robots too. You pretty much hit the nail on the head there, it has been like that for me too! It destroys your sense of self worth, it is more like being the accused on trial that receiving help.
Very cold Jed, sorry about your NHS experience. I saw a psychodynamic therapist on the NHS for 9 months. She did her best under difficult constraints. After a year I found a private therapist who I have seen for the past 7 years. The trend in government funding is to provide short term therapy and CBT. My belief is that people with deep seated problems need to get to the root of why we behave in ways that are not helpful as adults.
Mental health is a huge problem in the UK so if we speak out eg write to MPs, sign petitions etc things may change. With best wishes. I find this to be such bullshit. I tried therapy. It was a giant failure. Mostly because I could not get past the smug condescension of the therapist who refused to explain why they kept treating me like a complete moron. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist.
Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. What Makes a Child Shy? How We Affect Each Other. Submitted by Kaitlyn on May 27, - am.